Rough Nights
by SoulOfAFangirl684
Summary: In this era of peace following Buu's rampage, Goten realizes that some of the horror he experienced during that time was never truly dealt with, just buried. In all honesty, he isn't really sure how to deal with it now either. But a midnight conversation with his brother might be a good place to start.


**Oh, boy… Where to start with this one? As you can see, I've recently gotten back into Dragon Ball. In 2019. (Send help.) I feel like there's no end to the list of things I have to thank for contributing to this one-shot (and likely future one-shots and stories) coming to life. I mean, I've always felt that if there was any one thing that could have improved DBZ, it would have been seeing the characters actually being affected by all the horrific shit they experience—and at so young an age in many cases. I'm just saying… PTSD should be running rampant in this universe. **

**More specifically, since getting back into the fandom, there are a lot of things that influenced this idea really taking form in my mind. The first was actually this short little comic I found on Tumblr. I really wish I could credit it properly, but to be honest, I didn't save it anywhere or pay attention to who actually drew it. It was just this little thing about teenaged Goten talking with Trunks about how, he'd never really realized it, but his childhood had actually fucked him up a bit. And that sort of thing is right up my alley, so it stuck with me. **

**There are also two really great fics I've come across since getting back into the series that I'm sure influenced my own story, at least a little. The first is **_In Memoriam _**by **Phoenixfire123. **It follows Videl on the anniversary of the Cell Games, (before Goku's been brought back to life) seeing how the day is 'celebrated' very differently in Gohan's home. The second is over on AO3: **_the demons we carry _**by** Piccolo_is_green**. That one is currently a one-shot, but is intended to be a multi-chaptered story focusing on how a bunch of the characters deal with the different trauma they've experienced. The first chapter focuses on Gohan and Videl, and it's really fantastic. You should definitely go check out both of them. **

**I know this A/N has reached an unreasonable length. (Eh, any of you who are already familiar with my writing are probably used to it by now.) I just like to give credit where credit is due, and a few quick recommendations for anyone who ends this looking for more. For a quick little background, this is meant to take place about a year before that final little DBZ arc and disregards all of Super, except for Hercule giving them their own house. I just like the idea of Gohan and Videl having their own space, you know? **

**Thank you.**

**Rough Nights**

He came awake sharply in the darkness of his bedroom, though not dramatically. For those extra few seconds where he remained with his muscles frozen, staring at the ceiling, his heart beating wildly in his chest, Goten was thankful he'd never been the type to cry out in his sleep from the depths of a nightmare.

He sat up slowly, shoving off the covers to allow the cool night air to reach his too-warm skin. The sensation was pleasant and calming and allowed him to breathe. Pretty soon, all that remained of the nightmare was a vague memory—too distant to grasp onto and drag to the surface.

He could recall a sense of time getting away from him… He'd been struggling to reach something in time… Something that must have been made of glass, because he could remember—quite clearly—the sight of those shattered pieces once it had smashed on the ground. But this knowledge was in direct opposition to the clearest memory of all. It had sounded a lot less like breaking glass… and a lot more like someone crushing an egg beneath their foot.

He slipped out of bed with a shudder, propelled forward by this phantom echo. He was careful to remain quiet, keeping his ki low enough to avoid waking anyone. Though, he remembered belatedly, there was only one other person in the house now who would be attuned to that.

His parents' door had been left ajar, and he peeked in to see them curled together in sleep. Their faces looked peaceful.

Somehow, he wasn't really surprised that he was the only one awakened by nightmares that night. After all, the world had been at peace for years. There was no reason for his thoughts to still be troubled. …Right?

His parents certainly didn't seem to think so. Perhaps the very first thing he'd learned about his father—first-hand, anyway—was how easily he moved on from any sort of darkness he came into contact with. Ugliness seemed to bounce right off of Goku. Once the trouble had passed, it was like it had never happened at all. In hindsight, his mother's reaction was a little more surprising. After Buu's defeat, she had, seemingly effortlessly, taken a page out of Goku's book and left it all behind. As far as Chi-Chi was concerned, her husband was back, her family was complete, and all was finally right with the world.

It really left no room for debate. In what had felt like no time at all afterwards, Gohan had graduated, moved out, and started his new life with Videl.

And Goten was happy. Honestly. Life had been good these past few years. But every once in a while, a night like tonight would sneak up on him, and Goten would just be left feeling… unsettled. And no amount of reasoning with himself could get his mind settled again.

It always went away, sooner or later. But…

Goten had completed his silent circuit of the house, but he hesitated in the doorway to his room. That cold feeling in the pit of his stomach only increased. This sensation was decidedly less vague. It brought him right back to that awful time when his entire family had been gone—missing or dead or some combination of the two. Granted, at the time, he hadn't had long to linger on those feelings. In the heat of the moment, with his best friend beside him, it had been all too easy to rally himself for the next battle.

But as the years passed and he continued to experience these episodes—however brief—he was starting to think those few minutes of overwhelming horror and grief had taken hold in a more permanent manner.

It was no use. He wouldn't be able to get back to sleep until he saw his brother—happy and healthy and _here_—with his own two eyes. So he crossed the room, eased open his window, and slipped out into the night sky.

It was a quick, short flight. Pleasant. The mini mansion Hercule had gifted to the new couple for their wedding was comfortably on the outskirts of the city. It was luxurious and private, with more space than their little family would ever realistically need.

Gohan had made it clear from day one that he was welcome over any time—and Goten _did_ visit often. But it definitely felt a little awkward like this, creeping around the windows in the dark.

When he at last located the right window, (honestly, how many grandchildren had Hercule been expecting?) he found a similar scene to the one he'd left behind at home. Gohan and Videl, peacefully asleep with their arms around each other.

His heart dropped a little when this sight didn't bring with it the sense of relief he'd been searching for. It looked like this uneasy feeling was here to stay for a bit longer.

He sighed, but he'd let his guard down just a little too much. An especially strong gust of wind pushed him forward, his forehead bumping up against the glass pane of their window.

It didn't hurt. And it made a surprisingly soft sound. But inside, he saw Gohan's eyes flutter open. He tensed for just a second, and his eyebrows shot up at the sight of his brother—hovering in the air outside, one hand raised in sheepish greeting, but he managed to slip out of bed without waking up Videl.

He started for the window, but Goten quickly shook his head, pointing to the ground floor. Gohan got the message and nodded. A few seconds later, Gohan was opening the front door for him. To his credit, he didn't seem at all disgruntled at being woken up in the middle of the night.

Goten slipped past him into the front entryway, sheepish smile still firmly in place, one hand brought up to the back of his head self-consciously. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

But Gohan was already shaking his head. "Don't worry about it. Is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah." His brother just blinked at him for a second. Goten could see the gentle prodding about it being a bit late for a social call on the tip of his tongue, so he hurriedly added, "Just a… a nightmare."

A familiar sort of understanding settled in Gohan's eyes then—an understanding that Goten wasn't sure that he really _got_ yet. But his brother's shoulders seemed to relax out of a tension Goten hadn't even noticed. He ushered him further into the house, until they ended up in the kitchen. He gestured for his brother to take a seat before he set about grabbing mugs from the cabinet.

Goten watched, almost confused at the turn this had taken, as Gohan filled the mugs with water and set them in the microwave for a minute. He then pulled out the jar of sugar and bags of prepackaged tea and set them on the counter before throwing a conspiratorial grin over his shoulder.

"I hope you don't mind me not breaking out the tea kettle this late. Pan's got ears like a bat…"

Goten smiled, and it was easy, comfortable, joking. Like this was just another sunny afternoon spent hanging out with his brother and not a surprise midnight visit stemming from a nightmare. "I can feel Mom's disapproval from here."

He couldn't recall a single instance of teatime at their house when it hadn't been prepared the "proper" way. Gohan smiled in return but was back at the microwave a second later—in a movement faster than any regular person's eyes would have been able to track—popping the door open before the timer had a chance to go off.

He sat down across from him at the small table, (this meeting would have had a very different feel in their big, regal dining room, Goten noted) setting down the mugs with the tea bags already steeping inside.

The brothers sat in peaceful silence for a moment before Gohan finally asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Goten ducked his head, pulling his own mug closer just to have something to do with his hands. He'd never been uncomfortable around his brother, (not even once he'd started officially dating Videl and morphed into the world's dorkiest romantic) but he didn't think he'd ever heard his brother use this tone before. "Sorry again for waking you up. It's really nothing."

"It's not." Gohan's voice was so soft, he almost didn't hear it. When he glanced up quizzically, his brother repeated in that same unusually somber tone, "It's not nothing."

Goten didn't really know what to say. He didn't think his brother would really force the issue if he refused again, but…

The sound of footsteps reached their ears a second later, and they were both turned towards the doorway by the time Videl appeared, hand to her mouth in mid-yawn.

"I wondered where you went… What's going on?"

Gohan smiled fondly at her and shook his head. "Just a rough night. Sorry; I tried not to wake you."

But Goten doubted his sister-in-law had even heard this last part. At his brother's explanation, her eyes had immediately zeroed in on him, that same look of understanding flashing through them.

She smiled at them, eyes sweeping over the set up on the table as Gohan took the moment to grab the sugar and spoons. "Well, I'd offer to make the tea, but it looks like you boys have everything under control. I'm heading back to bed. Just try not to wake Pan."

"Of course. Don't wait up, okay?"

The loving look that passed between them felt almost too intimate, like he wasn't meant to see it. Goten focused his eyes back down on his tea as Videl's footsteps retreated back upstairs.

He wasn't really sure what he was still doing here. If he'd woken up either of his parents back home, this exchange would have been long over by now. Maybe a quick reassurance from his father (_if_ he was questioned enough to bring up the nightmare) or admonishment from his mother for being up so late. They certainly wouldn't have made some big production out of it. He hadn't expected Gohan to think this warranted a Discussion.

He couldn't help lingering on the look that had passed through both of their expressions. This sense that there was something more substantial here to be understood. He finally brought his mug to his lips and took a sip, finding comfort in the warmth that spread through him, bringing his eyes back up to his brother's.

He wondered if 'rough nights' were a regular thing around here.

Gohan gave him another small smile, fixing up his own tea the way he wanted it, but—as he'd suspected—didn't push him again. His brother had never been too much of a mystery to him. The age gap had created a bit of a divide, but he'd never considered Gohan a terribly secretive person. But perhaps, all this time, he'd been reading him wrong.

There was only one thing his brother had always been unwaveringly serious about—his studies. For Goten, who'd always preferred practical lessons, it had never quite connected with him how his brother could be so content to stay cooped up in his room for hours at a time, hunched over his textbooks. Occasionally, he'd walk in and find him staring out the window with a faraway look in his eyes. Even as a child, he'd been able to see that this had been something more intense than what he thought of as the regular brand of carefree daydreaming. But he'd always assumed it was some method of studying he'd never be able to comprehend. But maybe his mind had been on something else entirely?

He hadn't given it much thought… but he was now the same age Gohan had been when he'd defeated Cell. When he'd watched their dad die.

The brothers continued to sit and drink their tea in silence, but it was comfortable. And Goten's thoughts continued to race.

Now that he thought about it… He'd always _known_ that Gohan had been the one to kill Cell, but he supposed it had never actually _meant_ that much to him. (In part because—though he'd heard tales of the horror and destruction—he hadn't even been born yet when Cell had been terrorizing everyone he knew and loved.) But he realized now that Gohan had always steered the narrative away from himself. Growing up, Goten had been well-indoctrinated into the belief that Goku was the strongest among them. (His brother had been rather firm on that front, even when their father wasn't _really_ among them anymore.) And perhaps now that was true once more. But by all logical rights, _Gohan_ should have been the hero of that story.

But then, his brother never had been one for glory. In fact, Gohan wasn't much one for _fighting_—something he'd never really noticed until he'd gotten to know their father.

Learning may have been Gohan's true passion, but he'd always been perfectly diligent about his training as well. At least until Buu had been defeated. Or perhaps more accurately, until their dad had been returned to life.

Goten had always assumed fighting—and a _love_ for it—was just in their blood. But for his brother, perhaps it had always been pure necessity. The inescapable knowledge that there was no one else to come to the rescue should trouble befall them again. Or maybe it stemmed from respect. A means of honoring their dad's sacrifice that day.

Except… The only way he could reason with that diligence not dying out over the years… was if his brother had been struggling with _guilt_ for all that time…

The thought made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to think about his older brother dealing with that sort of inner turmoil on a regular basis. He often forgot that Gohan had begun facing real danger at an even younger age than Goten himself. That the battle against Cell hadn't even been the _first_ time their dad died. That, by all rights, Gohan likely had his own nightmares to deal with. But those tales had always been related back to him as… well, maybe not fond memories, but exciting adventures. The most horrifying parts had definitely been glossed over.

And, now that he was in a position to really think about it, his brother wasn't the only one. Krillin had abandoned his own training, Bulma her adventuring ways long before either of them had become parents—the events their mellowing out was usually attributed to. Goten had never _known_ his dad's oldest friends in their glory days, but he felt like he could better track the paths their lives had taken. Some of his most vivid memories growing up were of the anniversaries of the Cell games. While the rest of the world was celebrating, everyone he knew had seemed to retreat into their own somber little worlds. He usually spent the day with Trunks, and that subdued air permeated even their antics. In hindsight, only his father seemed to remain unaffected.

He didn't like this revelation that everyone in his life was apparently at the mercy of inner demons, even if the effects of that weren't always obvious. It made him a little sick to his stomach, made him long for the ignorance of his own household, where he could almost believe everyone had moved on.

The night had settled back in around them, and their mugs were both nearly empty. Whatever grand, emotional conversation this meeting had been building up to had passed them by, but Gohan finally spoke up again. "It's fine if you don't want to talk about it. But you know you can come over any time, right?"

"I know," he assured his brother quietly. They hadn't said much, but this journey really had helped him greatly. He hoped his brother could see that. "I guess I just never really think about these things… So when I do, they hit kinda hard."

For a split second, he wondered if this was too vague, but he needn't have worried. Gohan nodded; he knew exactly what 'things' his brother was referring to. As it turned out, he'd kept pace with Goten's thoughts this whole time.

"Yeah. Mom and Dad both live so in the moment, they can be a little hard to talk to about this stuff. I know_ I_ never wanted to bring it up if I didn't have to. Especially those first few years. Mom cried so often as it was…" He cleared his throat. "Uh, anyway. That changed once I got to know Videl. There was so much I still had to explain to her after Buu… I'd never been around anyone who didn't already know everything—even if we never really talked about it. But Videl wanted to know everything—the effects those events had had on me, specifically." He was starting to get that dopey, lovesick look on his face again, but Goten couldn't really blame him. "And I guess it just… forced me to reflect on it all more than I'd ever let myself before."

They lapsed back into silence, but all the tension of the night was gone. The nightmare that had started all this was practically forgotten. Not forever. He knew that. Nothing stayed buried forever. But perhaps he was finally learning to examine it properly.

They rose from the table, leaving their mugs in the sink for the night. He gave his brother a quick hug at the door(—the height difference was less than half of what it had once been and still shrinking.) And then he let Gohan get back to bed, shooting off into the sky, and beginning the short flight home.

**Review please!**

**I don't own DBZ. **

**A little anticlimactic? Perhaps. I toyed with the idea of making this a big, emotional conversation… but ultimately decided I wanted it to be just a simple, quiet, reflective moment between the brothers. I suppose Goten could be considered a bit OOC. Honestly, though, we see so little of teen Goten that I think that's hard to say. And even though he seems to maintain his carefree attitude, the point of this little one-shot **_**was**_** to play with the idea that these characters should be more affected by their experiences than they actually are. I could see Goten being the kind of person to unintentionally ignore his inner turmoil until it **_**can't**_** be ignored any more. And that's in part because of the way I envision the atmosphere in that household. (Which wasn't meant to bash Goku or Chi-Chi in any way. It occurred to me afterwards that it could be interpreted that way.) Gohan, on the other hand… I think we as a fandom have kind of all collectively agreed that he's a little more haunted than he was usually shown to be. And so it would make sense that his approach to it—and his relationship with Videl—would be quite different from his parents' way of doing things. But I'll stop rambling now. (I'd forgotten how many opinions I had when it came to this series.) Thank you for indulging me this long.**


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